Something worth remembering - Into the ice!

When I saw the list of activities on offer over my trip in the far North, the ice bath experience was one which immediately caught my attention. I spent a bit of time oscillating between various combinations of activities, mindful of how much it was going to hurt my bank balance and not wanting to spent all my time up there doing some activity or other that I did not have time to enjoy just being. In the end, I could not say no to the lure of the ice. 

Cold water bathing

One of the many bodies of water
I have jumped into

When I tell people, I went ice bathing, many asked why I would do something like that to myself. In truth, it did not feel like a big deal. I'd always been attracted to water; the urge to jump into a body of water is ever present. Over the last few years, my ability to resist jumping into water has grown weaker and weaker. The natural aversion I felt coming from a tropical country about jumping into lakes (there may be crocodiles!!) diminished the longer I lived in Sweden. The water in Sweden is rarely warm, in the summer only relatively so, but always refreshing and enjoyable nonetheless. The only times I jumped into really cold water before this though, were in combination with a sauna. Having warmed up before and with the assurance of knowing that I would be back in the heat of the sauna within seconds of getting out of the water, makes it less of a mental obstacle than it might have been. 

Initially of course there were other factors in play in the whole cold water thing. When in Rome and all that, you know. Swedes, or Scandinavians are known for cold dips. I hear stories of people going for a swim every morning regardless of season or weather. Cold-bath houses which are basically saunas with access to cold water are so common in Sweden. Living here, I felt it was something I had to do. I suppose some part of me had something to prove. What exactly, I don't know. Somewhere along the line, I realised that I actually really liked it. Isn't there something about cold water makes the body release endorphins or something like that?

Before this, the coldest water I jumped in was on New Year's Day a few years ago. I don't know what the temperature would have been. Air temperature was above freezing, water temperature would obviously have been too (no snow or ice anywhere in sight). I had properly warmed up in the sauna and hopped in a lake. 

So when I came across this chance to take it one step further and hop into a hole in ice, I couldn't really pass it up, could I? It was another one of those "when else would I ever have the chance?" kind of decisions. I booked it, paid for it and was thereby committed. And though I say it did not feel like it was a big deal, when the day came, I was nervous. 

Prepping the sauna

I wonder if it was a way to calm jittery nerves that Björn, my guide put me to work before the plunge, first to prepare the sauna then the hole in the ice. There was a already tent nestled amongst the trees just off the lake. Inside the tent, a wood stove. He chopped a few larger pieces of wood into smaller pieces, while I was assigned to peeling the bark of the pieces of birch. The bark was used as a starter because they caught quickly and burned long. As the fire burned through the smaller pieces of wood and the larger pieces caught, the guide declared that it was time to prepare the hole in the ice. 

Making my "bath"

We picked a seemingly random spot about 50 m out onto the ice and he got me to clear the foot-thick snow off the surface while he went to his trailer to fetch a drill. The ice hit water a lot sooner than I expected. I then learnt that it was water trapped between two layers of ice. He had explained this to me before. The weight of the snow weighs down a first layer of ice so waters flows onto the surface, which freezes from the surface down. A thick enough layer of ice and snow over the water keeps the water insulated and it doesn't freeze as the ice continues to form on top. Sure enough, after the first splash of water, the drill gripped again and worked through a second layer of ice. I dashed (by which I mean I walked slowly on the ice and stumbled over snow) back to the hut to fetch my phone. I felt it was essential to capture some of this process. 

The ice saw, 
which was slightly
less than 1m long

He drilled a circle of holes roughly the size of what the hole needed to be, basically large enough for one person (me) to get in, but small enough that said person could have their arms out over the side. Once he was done, he passed me a mean looking contraption which turned out to be an ice saw and I was again put to work, this time to saw through the ice in between the circle of holes. He took apart the drill and put it back in the trailer. Sawing through the ice was slightly harder than I thought, but not hard really. Eventually I got through and a circle of ice was loose. The guide screwed something into the surface of the bobbing circle of ice to grip it and pull it out. Then he used a spade to scoop out all the bits of ice floating about on the surface. By this point, I was transfixed by all that was going on and at the sight of the dark water underneath that it did not occur to me to photo document anything else. 

Before long, he was done and sent me off to the hut to get ready. Erm... which meant, to put it simply, strip. I had earlier had a minor dilemma about what to wear. I had seen a video of a guy doing it naked which I had no intention of doing. The thought of prancing about naked in the snow in front of a random guy did not strike be as being essential to the experience. Part of me instinctively wanted to have on something that would keep me warm, like a rash guard. That was stupid any which way you look at it. The rash guard was not going to keep me warm in those temperatures. And trying to keep warm while jumping into the ice is in itself, illogical. I came quickly to the decision that a bikini, which is the only swimwear I own, was the best option. I compromised by choosing the bikini that covered the most skin.

I peeked my head out of the hut to ask if I was allowed to have my coat on while I walked out, almost like a child seeking permission to have my security blanket at school. Thankfully, he said yes, so I emerged from the hut in my huge coat over my bikini and boots. These got left at the side on the ice as he strapped a harness around my waist that was attached to a rope, my literal lifeline should I fall under the ice. As I was sawing through the ice, the saw hit the ground, so I knew the water was not very deep. I would most likely be able to stand, so I was not unduly worried about falling under the ice. With the thickness of the ice, it would have taken some doing to get beneath the ice sheet anyway. 

Oh and I was to jump into the ice cold. As in, without first warming up in the sauna. Part of the experience was a sort of survival training so to learn what to do if one falls through thin ice. That made me even more nervous. But, I reasoned, I know there is a warm sauna not to far away. As cold as I may get, I have a chance to warm up before I can hypothermia and die.

Taking the plunge

He took a before-photo while I still had my woolly hat on, my last illusion of comfort and warmth. That too soon got tossed aside as he gave me the last instructions. I had to commit. Once I decided I was going in, I should go all in. No dallying, was basically the message. Once in, I should give my body time to adjust. The initial shock response could give rise to panic, which I should gain control of through controlling my breathing. I should stay in long enough to get my breath and my body under control. It should take about a minute, he said. Only then, should I think about coming out. The way I understood it, wanting to get out should not be a reaction to the cold water, rather a decision. So I needed to be calm enough to make a decision. Ok, understood. 

I knelt down before the hole, put my hands on the ice on either side. I instinctively dipped one hand into the water without thinking. I had not wanted to do that because I was afraid that if it felt too cold, it would break my willpower. Thankfully though, it almost felt warm compared to the air temperature. Oh, did I forget to mention that it was about -15 degrees C? With a sense of relief, my resolution received a slight boost. Despite that, the last thing I remember doing before the plunge was looking up at Björn to ask "why am I doing this?" He said because "you are tough". That gave me another boost, but also made it harder for me to back down. It took another few breaths to psyche myself up or calm my nerves, whichever way to look at it. I took another breath and lifted myself by the arms and plunged myself feet first into the water. 

I don't remember much about what I felt or thought in those first few moments. I remember standing on a large stone, and being able to feel another smaller stone next to it. I opted to stand on the large one. The guide asked if I could stand and I nodded. I remember him talking me through a few deep breathes in and out, as I focused on my breathing. Then he obviously decided that I was managing fine and proceeded to the next step. "You want to put your head in the water," he said. "No, I do not", I protested and negotiated the option to do it next time. I remember consciously asking "can I do it next time", instead of the more declaration, "I will do it next time" thinking that I have not committed to myself to anything really. And I remember thinking that if I can still think of negotiation strategies, I was probably fine. Well, I was coping all right, but I wasn't fine. It was cold and my body was still tense. I focused on getting my shoulders and back to relax. Once I did, I actually did feel fine. I could feel the cold against my legs, yes. My skin felt first tingly, then a bit numb, yes. But ok, I was fine. Nothing bad was actually happening because I was in icy water. I wriggled my toes in the water to make sure they still worked, and they did. Emboldened, and as a compromise to not putting my head in, I put my shoulders and both arms in the water. 

I think he was right about it taking the body a minute to adjust. There was a noticeable difference once my body adjusted. Not only did I feel relaxed, as relaxed as one can be in icy water that is, there was also a sense of exhilaration. I don't know what made me decide it was time to get out. I think my body was starting to tense up again or I could feel the cold creeping in deeper than just the skin deep. The guide reckons I was in there for about two plus minutes, but I have no way of telling. Judging by my recollection of what we talked about while I was in there, he could be right. 

I scrambled out of the hole, unstrapped the harness and walked unsteadily across the ice to the sauna tent. The snow was soft and oddly comforting against my feet, but I resented it. My feet hurt terribly from the cold. The sauna tent was not as hot as I would have liked. It was after all, a tent. And there was no covering on the ground so I could feel the cold radiating upwards. But I did warm me up. It took my body a lot less time to warm up than it did my feet. My toes for like little ice cubes for a good long while. Eventually they felt normal enough again for me to consider going again. I reached the point where I was ready to do it again, but also felt if I did not go in then, I was not going to be able to get myself to do it later. 

Angel in deep snow

Instead of heading to the ice, Björn asked if I wanted to make a snow angel. Again, the question "when will I have a chance to do this" made the decision for me. I might have a chance to make a snow angel anywhere else, sure. But in metre deep snow while wearing a bikini? I walked off the path into deep snow, turned around and fell backwards. In my head, I heard the gentle puffff as I fell onto the soft deep snow. There was enough snow about me that all I saw was a wall of white if I turned my head to the side. The fall was the most gentle fall I have ever experienced. I cannot even say that I felt my body landing, it was so soft. 

Willpower

I have always believed that you can do a lot if you can get your mind in the right place. People who manage to hold their breath for minutes, swim in cold water, and all that, does it not all start with the will to do it? The will to keep at it? My willpower was put to the test in the snow more than in the water. I was surprised by that at first, but in hindsight, it is not that surprising. Air temperature was about -15 degrees. Water temperature would have been low single digits, above freezing anyway. It's a no brainer. It was also confusing that my back was exposed to a different kind of cold than my front. At least in the water, it was all the same cold. Without thinking, without even realising I was going to do it, I sat up. It was my body's instinct to escape I think. Fight or flight, in that moment I chose flight. I just wanted to get out of there. 

The guide talked me back down with one gentle question. He asked if I could try to lie back down and stay there until I felt calm. I did not want to. All of my being just wanted to get up, but my stubborn and having-something-to-prove streak took charge. Getting up would have been an escape, which I could have accepted. It would have also been an admission of defeat, which I could not. Especially not when there was a witness. I lay back down and closed my eyes. He again talked me through breathing and said something about channelling the fire within. It did not work the way he intended. I did not know how to channel the fire within, but him saying that made me think. 

A lot of ancient wisdom stuff have me pegged as having fire as my main element. It's something I have been aware of for a long time, but I realised, lying in the snow, that I never thought about it as being something I could channel. The thought was intriguing. I wondered how I would go about finding that fire, before I could even think about channelling it anywhere. That thinking distracted me enough that I forgot to remember that I was cold. I was there maybe a minute, then I started to shiver. I raised my arms to shake out the shiver and decided I'd had enough. I got up and went back in the sauna, feet frozen once again. 

Head and all

I went back in the water two more times after that. The second time, Björn kindly reminded me of our negotiation before about putting my head in the water. I tried to protest, but really I already knew that I would do it. I would have kicked myself if I walked away from there without doing it. I held my nose and plunged deeper in. The shock was not as bad as I expected. I think the air temperature helped a lot. Compared to the air temperature, the water really was almost warm. Almost. Everything is relative, and relativity can be deceptive. I remember being underwater for a second or two, and then realised that our negotiation did not cover how long I should keep my head underwater. Without any incentive, I resurfaced to cheers and praise from the guide. I stayed in a while more to make sure that I was in control of my breathing again before I got out. 

Warm vs cold

The sauna did what it was supposed to and warmed me up again, even if it took me longer to warm up than it did to cool me down. When I decided I wanted to go in the water one last time, I wanted to change my mind as soon as I opened the flap of the tent and the cold air hit me. The more steps I took towards the ice, the more my resolution dissipated. But decision made, and there was no backing down. 

When I reached the hole in the ice for the third time, I noticed that the guide had cleared away my coat and shoes (he put them back in the hut), and also packed away the harness and rope! Reading my mind, or possibly just the expression on my face, he hurriedly assured me that he would hold my hand to make sure I would not go under. It wasn't deep anyway, he added. Having been in there twice, I did not really think there was any danger of me slipping under the ice, so I couldn't use that as an excuse. But he had obviously decided that I would not be taking a third dip. Was I secretly pleased to have proven him wrong? Hah, of course!

The sense of exhilaration came about more quickly and was stronger the third time around. But I also started to shiver sooner. I could calm the shivering at first, but when it started again, I called it a day and headed back to the sauna to warm up. 

Give me food

Later that evening just before dinner time, I suddenly felt very tired and cold. My body must have burned up so much energy trying to keep me warm, or maybe it was the excitement of the entire experience that wore me out, or both. My energy levels fell suddenly. I was tempted to just sleep but realised I needed to replenish my energy resources. I devoured my dinner at one go and continued to snack afterwards. The weariness hit again and all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't. I stayed up another hour or so, frantically journaling to capture the experience while the impressions were fresh and yet untainted. 

New toes

I think I might have got a touch of frostbite on the tips of my toes, if it is possible to get a touch of frostbite. Nothing turned black or fell off, thank goodness! The very tips of my toes hurt for about a day afterwards, and felt tingly and itchy for two days thereafter. A couple of weeks later, a relatively thick layer of skin started to peel off my toes. 

Was it worth it? 

Hell, yes! Will I do it again? Definitely maybe. I am unlikely to go out of my way to make a hole in the ice. It did take so much work. But if I have the chance again, I might not pass up the chance then either. Does that make me crazy? Maybe, who knows? There was definitely an exhilaration that was a kind of high about the experience. I remember thinking when I was in the water the third time, that it actually felt good! Perhaps that does make me crazy, but who's counting? I don't do drugs and I am not into extreme sports, but I do enjoy the subtle highs where I can get them. Maybe I even seek them out. Whatever the case, there is no question that I found it there, on that day, on that trip, in that dip.