The TOUGHEST miss

And so it begins: Toughest Malmö kicks off.

It is incredibly hard sitting on the couch watching the race on television, knowing that it will all happen without me. Of course, I am watching the elite runners and that part will always happen without me, regardless. My start time is much, much later in the afternoon. The sad fact is though, that issues with my back and knee mean that I will be giving the race a miss, ...this time. I have been back and forth about this decision a million times in the last two days, shed more than a few tears and talked about it to death. 

The thing is, the issues with my knee and back are not quite serious enough to completely put me out of commission. I can still walk and move about even if I am being careful and moving somewhat gingerly, fearful of that dreaded sharp twinge in my back that might materialise with a sudden movements. I thought I was being subtle about this being careful business but was told by a friend that I looked a bit stiff and was moving unnaturally. It was a very hard decision to make, mostly because I am still mobile and able and well, not actually in a great deal of pain and really still feel strong. When I woke this morning, it still occurred to me that maybe I could still give it a shot. Watching it elites on television now, and really being able to see all the obstacles, I know I am doing the right thing to miss it. If nothing else, I don't want to find out what the obstacle where I would have to jump off a trampoline into the sea would do to my back. But oh, how I want to be out there!! Watching them makes my bones itch. I want to jump up and run around, do push-ups and climb something!!

Considering how upset I am to have to miss a race which I was going to be trying out for the first time, so have no real way of knowing how I would fare in an obstacle course race; with no chance of winning any sort of prize; and no other satisfaction other than knowing that I had completed it (if I were to complete it), I have new found sympathy for real athletes, professionals, who have to miss competitions which they have a real chance of winning because of injuries. And I have new found respect for how well someone close to me handled having broken in leg and faced the reality of not being able to do sports as before. In his position, I would have been a wreck and a nightmare to be around. 

So that is it for Toughest for me, this year ...maybe. The opportunity exists to participate in Gothenburg or Copenhagen later in the year, but I am less keen on having to travel to get to a different city and back. And there is of course the option to participate in Malmö next year. That option is more appealing. We'll see. The issues with my back are temporary, those with my knee are not. So we'll see that the year brings. 

Hopefully, I would be able to maintain the form I have achieved thus far. People have been asking me if this is the most fit I have ever been. It's a hard question. I am tempted to say yes, but I don't know if that is true. I was faster when I was younger and was running in competitions. I most likely had better cardio fitness back then, mostly because I did not have asthma then. I am definitely much stronger now than I ever was, even compared to my kick-boxing and climbing days. And I have more endurance now. But I also have more problems: asthma and my damaged meniscus alone are major obstacle in themselves. And I have noticed especially in the last few years, that it takes me much longer to recover from injuries and muscle strains than before. 

Having said all that, I cannot complain. Training for the race has been great, not just the effects it has had on my strength and fitness. I have enjoyed the actual training itself and am more motivated than ever to keep in shape. And I have appreciated the support I have got from people around me. Everyone - well, not everyone. Some people have dropped comments about my priorities... Most people, at least, have been so supportive. Most people have been interested, and indulging about the fact that I prioritised training over social engagements and that almost every conversation with me in the last two months somehow found its way back to Toughest and training! 

And now it is time to get myself to the course to cheer on my friends who will be doing the race this afternoon! 

The number which will not be used :-(