The stuff of dreams

I wonder if there is such a thing as an overactive subconscious. If there is, I think mine is. Sometimes my dreams are far too vivid for my liking. And I don't mean nightmares. Well, I don't just mean nightmares. I used to get horrible nightmares and for that reason I have had to stop watching horror films. I used to enjoy them to a certain extent, but after a while I realised that, especially if I watched it late at night just before going to bed, the images and scenes I have seen are incorporated into my dreams. This doesn't seem to happen to everyone, although I know I am not unique in this. Still, knowing that others have the same problem doesn't exactly help me to sleep better. There was a phase when my nightmares even used to continue. If I woke up in the middle of the night from fear (how does that happen anyway??) and went back to sleep, even if I got out of bed and had a cup of tea or something first, the damned dream would just take up where it left off. Sometimes replaying the last few seconds before I woke, just in case I forgot. Once, it even continued when I went to bed the next night. My strategy now is to just avoid all scary films. And if I happen to watch one by accident - which happens because I am one of those people who have to watch a film to the end. Most films. But especially the scary ones. So, if while channel surfing, I get stuck on a film which turns out to be a scary film, I sit and watch it to the end. And when this happens, I would have to watch something else light before going to bed to make sure the last images my brain stores are not the scary ones. Either that, or I read a light hearted book. Friends DVDs come in useful.

But I digress. I was saying that I don't mean nightmares when I say my dreams are too vivid. I mean dreams in general. A couple of years ago, while trudging through the final week before I completed my dissertation, I stayed with some friends who lived close to the University. After the first morning, every time we sat down for breakfast together, my friend asked me what I dreamt the night before. This was because I woke up the first morning and told her about my dream the night before, which was really an elaborate story involving me stealing a bagful of money from some mafia boss while I was staying in his mansion and sneak out in the middle of the night to hide out with some farm animals. She thought it was hilarious  but was amazed as to how vivid the dream was, and how vividly I still remembered so much of it. That doesn't happen often. But then again, is not all that unusual either. I think I had a story for her three out of the five mornings I was there.

I really wonder what dreams are. They say that our brain processes everything it has absorbed during the day, and some of those images or impressions can appear in our dreams. Some of the times, I can see that being the case. Like the nightmares that are themed after some movie I have just watched. But the stealing a bagful of cash from some mafia boss after I had been working on Pharmaceutical Law the whole day and reading Terry Pratchett before going to bed? I fail to see the connection.

They also say, and the they in this case are the Disney people who wrote the song in Cinderella, that a dream is a wish your heart makes. Putting aside the obvious fallacy of that statement in general, in my case it is sometimes true. I often dream of something I want, but only something that I want so badly that I have been obsessing about it for days or weeks. By this I mean stuff like teenage crushes (or not so teenage attractions) on the one end of the spectrum, and believe it or not, Dunkin' Donuts on the other. This really supports the theory that dreams occur while the brain processes information from the day. If one has been obsessing about something the whole day, it follows that the brain has a lot of information about that something to process. These dreams are sometimes worse than nightmares, I think. The nightmare ends when one wakes, essentially. The dreams where one gets what one wants, or at least I think that the dreams where I get what I want, are worse.

A trivial example: there was a time not too long ago when I was hankering for donuts, Dunkin' Donuts donuts to be specific. Yes, I know, there really are more important things in life. But living away from home and the cuisine one loves, makes one naturally predisposed to strange and random cravings - my theory. My craving for Dunkin' Donuts' Boston Cream (which, just to be clear, is NOT cuisine from home although I did use to have it quite a lot back home, and really should never be used the same sentence as 'cuisine' anyway) was one such random occurrence. Living in a part of the world where Dunkin' Donuts does not have a presence meant I could do nothing about it. And so I obsessed about it for days. I searched tirelessly online for somewhere close by where I could find some. I talked to my sister about posting me some, not seriously of course. One night, I dreamt that I had found a place where Dunkin' Donuts could be found. I was so excited. I remember running up half a flight of stairs, the address of the Dunkin' Donuts clutched in my fist. In the dream, I knew that the store was just at the top of the stairs. I just had half a flight of stairs to go. Once I turned the corner I would see it. I got to the corner… and woke up. The disappointment I felt when I realised I was awake in the real world was immense, and also, let’s face it, a bit sad. Worse was the time when I dreamt that I had actually taken a bite of the donut, then woke up. The disappointment somehow increased my hankering, and these feelings of disappointment and yearning stays with me for days. Whether it’s a dream about a donut or something else.

I had another such dream recently, and the feelings which were stirred up in the dream stayed with me for almost two days. It is like sinking my teeth into a donut in my dreams and waking up still being able to taste it in my mouth. It really makes me wonder (yet again) about how the brain works. What is going on in there that images which conjured up while I was asleep can invoke a tactile and gustatory response that is vivid to the point of distraction while I am awake. How does that happen?

While somewhat difficult to deal with in the aftermath, at least it is easy enough to understand that the occurrence of such dreams have a direct correlation with the fact that I had been obsession about the subject matter in the time period immediately preceding the dreams. And for that reason, all said and done, those dreams do not really bother me much. I complain about being distracted by the memory and the effects of the dreams, but I secretly savour. For in them, through them, I attain the unattainable.

The dreams which get to me the most though, are those in which I dream about people who mean a lot to me, and whom I have not seen or heard from in a long time. Most notably, I had a few dreams about an old teacher of mine within a short space of time. I had not seen or heard from him for many years, and the dreams were unspecific, or at least I did not recall any specific details when I woke. I just know that he was there. In any case, the dreams made me think about calling him just to check in and catch up. I never did though. I was too busy to find ten minutes to make a phone call. Not long after that, I found out that he had been ill for a while and passed away. I made it to his funeral. But I still wonder, if I had listened to my instincts when I had those dreams, would I have made it to see him and speak to him, and tell him in person the difference he had made in my life and the role he had played in making me the me I am today? More than that, I also wonder what it was that made me suddenly dream about him at that time in the first place.

Funny things, dreams.