A Brush of Inspriration

On New Year's Eve 2013, my sister posted this Neil Gaiman quote on Facebook:

"I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you'll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you'll make something that didn't exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly, that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind."



For many reasons, this really resonated with me, more all other new year messages which were going around at the time. Many significant life changes took place in 2013, not least that I separated, and before the year was out, was divorced from my husband. And I have much to say about it - about the heartbreaking difficulty of decision, the daunting prospect of starting over, the cold comfort of solitude, the sudden staggering necessity of financial independence, the surprising wonder of self-discovery, the astonishing and steadying love and support of friends, and much, much more - I have much to say about all that, but not today. This is about another wholly unexpected but significant change in my life which was spurred by Neil Gaiman's words.

I love that quote. I agree with it whole-heartedly. But again, I am not going to take up any discussions about life and people in it. Not right now anyway. It would take too long, and I have not the time. Today, I am focusing only on one part of the quote struck me, much like the enchanted bell in the Magician's Nephew, and its ringing got louder and louder and awoke a part of me which has long lain dormant (not, just to be clear, the evil Queen). Thanks to the words "to make something that didn't exist before you made it", 2013 has also turned out to be the year I started painting.

I almost want to write "again" at the end of that last sentence, but that would not be entirely accurate. I have not drawn or painted much after I left school, where art class was compulsory and thus entirely unenjoyable. I had random and isolated bursts of creativity every now and again, but nothing to indicate that there was any kind of artist in me. Well, maybe not thing. I have always been a doodler. My lecture notes and later even my trial notes were often accompanied with at times elaborate margins. I often drew trees and vines when doodling. Every now and then, I made the odd card, but that was about it. That changed at the end of 2013. And what a change it has turned out to be.

It seems to me that I had been repeatedly nudged in the general direction of creative expression for some time. Most significantly, I was staying with some friends while looking for my own place last year. This friend has quite an artistic streak and had "created" a picture or two for their walls. I say "created" because she would no doubt protest my use of what word. Nevertheless, she had canvases and brushes, etc. at home, and encouragingly offered me a canvas to play with, experiment on. I did and discovered how much I enjoyed drawing. It reawakened the realisation that I really enjoy working with my hands. It allows my brain to shut off for a while, or rather, allows the right brain to take over. I find it incredibly therapeutic. So, off I went to get some small canvases and brushes. I chanced upon some acrylic paint on sale so I got them as well. I started modestly with stencilled words and outlines, nothing requiring too much actual painting. It turned out alright, I suppose, but in hindsight not all that impressive. I nevertheless patted myself on the back, but stopped. I wanted to paint, but struggled with a distinct and insurmountable lack of inspiration. I had no idea what to paint.



Then came Christmas, and I was given two beautiful paintings which were painted for me by a good friend based on photographs which I had taken. I was so impressed. And it made me really want to be able to create something like that. Not like the paintings I received, but in that manner. I decided that I would search out books on acrylic painting in the library and see if I could pick up something there. Then, right on the heels of that, my sister posted the Neil Gaiman quote. It was a sign. I had to get painting. I could not wait until I made it to the library, I had to start right away. Somehow it seemed to matter that I painted something before the end of the year. And it being 31st of December, time was of the essence!

Still having not found any inspiration, I turned to my good friend, Google. I started with a basic search on acrylic painting. One thing led to another and within a short time, I found myself Painting with Marc. Marc is an artist with a series of painting tutorials on youtube, including several for beginners. The one I chose, which he recommended as a first attempt, he described as being a confidence booster. It is easy, he said, and looks good when it's done. It is done on a very small canvas so does not take too long, and thus the task does not appear daunting. He explained what the painting would be although it was hard to imagine it clearly. I just painting along with Marc and followed his instructions, pausing to catch up and back-tracking to hear the instructions or watch what he was doing again. I took longer than Marc of course, but in less than an hour, I was done!



Bird in tree

To say that I was satisfied with the result would be an understatement. I was so pleased that I had managed to create this. Looking at it critically, it is not great. I see several bits which, really, could have been done better. But forget critical! I was so pleased with myself. I wanted to show everyone what I had done, but was not sure it would be too much like bragging. I did show it around, but exercised some restraint... Anyway, it had given me so much confidence to paint more, just as Marc promised. And I was inspired! If ever there was a painting bug, I'd certainly been bit. I wanted to immediately move on to the next one. I wanted to never put the paintbrush down again!

Of course, I did put the paintbrush down. I went out that evening and counted down to the new year like everyone else. As I set off that evening, I felt such a sense of accomplishment and, I must admit, pride. More than that though, I was filled with a sense of possibility. I had surprised myself with that painting. In hindsight, it was quite simple, but it was nevertheless something which did not exist in my realm of possibility before. It was not that I believed that I could not do it. It was just so far removed from my daily life that it had just never occurred to me that I could paint like that. All of a sudden, a whole new world had opened up to me.

At the next opportunity, I tried to do the painting again on a slightly bigger canvas. I sought to improve the bits in the first one which I was not entirely satisfied with. In some respects, I think I succeeded, though some other aspects came out a bit odd. Also, I misjudged the placing of the branches and ended up with an awkward space for the bird. So I had to improvise and place something else there instead. There are not many obvious options to place on a branch in place of a bird, if one wanted to retain the somewhat "realistic" effect of the painting, so I arrived at the squirrel conclusion quite quickly. Also, I like squirrels. I searched on Google for a suitable image to copy, but could not find out what would fit the position and angle which it had to be in the photo. So I did not have anything to straight out copy. I vague adapted several pictures I had seen and basically drew my own squirrel. It looked well weird in the beginning. The good thing with it being a silhouette was that I could just extend the the outline to adapt the shape until I had something that looked right. Eventually, it looked right enough that I stopped. When I first told someone about this, I got a sceptical response. "Are you sure it's a squirrel and not just a big rat?" I believe were the exact words said without having first seen the squirrel in question. Words which, I am pleased to add, have since been retracted and replaced with a concession that it is, indeed, a squirrel.



Squirrel in tree



I generally do believe that much of creating art, with all the subjectiveness of the definition of that word, has a lot to do with practice and perseverance. Of course, one must have some basic skill and talent, some eye for detail and aesthetic appreciation. Practice and perseverance is still often essential to harness and hone skill and talent. I have no doubt that what little success I may have had with my painting have something to do with the fact that I have looked through hundreds of imagined on Google, watched several tutorials on youtube, checked out books on acrylic painting and although I did not actually read any of them, I at least skimmed over the tips sections. And through all this, I have benefited from the experience and knowledge of the more experienced and the more talented.

Having said all that though, thinking especially of the squirrel, I have to say that, and I say this without intending in any way to blow my own trumpet, I do not think I am entirely without talent. And what a nice thought that is indeed.

Since then, I have spent more money than I care to think about on canvases, brushes, paint, and recently artist pens (this is itself a story in the telling!) and am completely hooked. Long gone is the absence of inspiration. Now, my biggest problem is time. And the fact that I have to sit at work whiling the day away, when I would rather be at home drawing and painting.