Opportunity knocks: of China and child

I can barely believe that in a few days' time, I would be boarding a flight and some nine hours later, disembarking in Beijing, China. It seems unreal to me. Up until maybe six weeks ago, this trip was not on the table at all. And yet here I am, armed with Renmenbi and travel guides from the library, and listening to my newly bought Mandarin Phrasebook CD on the way to and from work every day.

China has never been high on My List. There are things in China which I would love to see, for sure, but I have felt neither need nor desire to travel there. But you know if opportunity knocks, you should open the door.

And opportunity did indeed come a-knocking.

The background: an adoption
I had known for some time that a colleague of mine, let's call her Caroline, was trying to adopt a child. When she let me in her confidence about it all, she had been in the system for a while. There were hoops to jump through, as with any adoption, and more so, I think, because she was adopting as a single parent.

From what I understand, adoption in Sweden almost always means adopting from abroad. Domestic adoption is very limited and usually involved a very long waiting time. I do not know much about it; I don't know if there are any specific countries which a Sweden is "allowed" to adopt from, or if there are more formal and established channels in certain countries which make it easier, or if a hopeful future parent is allowed to choose from wherever they would. Whatever the case may be, I know that Caroline's options were limited, simply because she is adopting as a single parent. Many countries do not allow adoption by single parents, or at least so I am given to understand. China does. And that was where Caroline was looking.

I had kept vague tabs on the various stages she was at in the process over the months, though I was not always entirely up to date. We were friendly at work and did the odd thing outside of work, but we were far from bosom buddies. I think she refrained from telling me too much because of this, because it's not really office coffee break conversation. I refrained from asking too much, interested though I was, because I did not want to pry.

I did know that there was a child on the cards. She received his "file" and had to make a decision as to whether she wanted to adopt him. It was not a decision to be made lightly, not that I think that any such decision can ever be made lightly. In this case in particular, there were some medical issues to be taken into consideration. Because he had them, medical issues I mean. The child up for adoption, I mean. And there's the rub: it seems that a single parent must inevitably reckon with a child with issues. A single parent being to put it bluntly, second choice in the adoption game. A couple is preferred as a matter of course. Now this prioritising happens, I have no clue. However it may be, it seems that children available to be adopted by single parents tend to be those, which sadly, have not found a happy home with couples. This tends to mean that there are some issues which the happy couples were not prepared to take one. It seems almost backward, if you think about it. But at the end of a day, an orphaned or otherwise unwanted child finding a happy home is a good outcome, however the circumstances.

The trip
From the time Caroline said "yes" to the child, there was yet another waiting period, of several months, if I recall correctly. This time, her "file" was sent to China and / or the orphanage for approval. She had been given a vague timeline as regards a reply and what was to come thereafter, assuming the probably positive outcome. She'd have some time to sort out a visa and other travel arrangements and off she would go, to pick up her would-be child in China.

Travelling alone
It is a big trip for any couple to make, to pick up their would-be child. All the more so if you are single. Caroline had several people lined up who were willing to give her some company, and offer whatever assistance they could, on the trip. Tentatively, that is. Things are a bit hard to plan when a travel date cannot be fixed until a relatively short time before the trip.

As it turned out, she received the green light for the adoption and travel dates not long before the summer holidays. Summer holidays are something else in Sweden. Everything shuts down, almost literally. Offices, business and even hospitals operate on skeletal staff; some even close for the summer. "Some" in this case, include at least two pubs in the centre of Malmö. I know, mindboggling! Well, it's not as baffling now as it once was. I digress.

Caroline was to travel during the summer holidays. The timing meant that the people who were to travel with her had already made summer plans with their family, or had children who would be off school and therefore could not be left behind, or were one of the few people at work and could not therefore take time off. The chances were looking quite real that she would have to travel on her own.

Inviting opportunity to knock
I believe that if opportunity knocks, you should open the door. Of course, I mean positive opportunities. Be it an opportunity to do something positive, or to have a positive experience. If someone offers you the chances to have knives thrown at you by a blindfolded person, erm... I'd suggest keeping that door well and truly closed.

Aside from that, I also think that people invite opportunities. How we live our lives surely have a great deal of effect on whether opportunities come our way, both positive and negative. There must be something about who we are or how we live our lives which make our door the one which certain kinds of opportunities knock on. This occasion somewhat strengthens my conviction.

"If it weren't so expensive, I would go."
Caroline and I were standing on the platform waiting for a train while she brought me up to speed about her travel plans. She was rather stressed, and possibly somewhat let down, that she might not have a travel companion for her trip. We talked reasons, circumstances, flights, prices, dates. Somewhere in that conversation, I threw in the line "If it weren't so expensive, I would go!"

I had thought about it for a second before I said it. I knew I would go. And quick math in my head (re: cost and holidays) led me to think that it could be feasible. I thought because I didn't want to say it if I were not prepared to follow through. I said because I actually rather wanted to go. It would be such an incredible experience.

I am not sure what Caroline thought when I first said it, but she asked if I really would, because she had actually reckoned with paying for the flights for whoever went with her. She said up front that she would not be able to cover all their expenses, but at least she'd cover the flight. We talked about it a bit more on the train, then over dinner (we were invited to another colleague's home for dinner) and then some more after a few glasses of wine. I told her that I of course also had reservations. That it depended on it being all right with the bosses. I had already been away for three week just the month before, and the understanding was therefore that I would be "on duty" throughout the summer. The other proviso was that I had enough holidays left to take. That aside, I told her to find out for certain from the others whether they could make it, and to think about whether she wanted to have me with her. After all, we had not really been close and I could imagine that she'd rather not have someone she did not know that well with her on what would no doubt be a very meaningful and emotional trip. If she felt that she'd be happy to have me with her, we'd talk again, I said.

The next day, she appeared in my room at the office and asked me if I would like to go to China.

And so it is that I will be going to China in a few days' time.